one man's dream... a small animal's worst nightmare: poorly written commentary about sports and life

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The Adventures of Huckelbrady Quinn

August 3rd, 2007 · No Comments

quinn.jpgFor some reason, my pre-draft post about Brady Quinn has become suddenly popular for some reason so I figure is Brady Quinn is what the people want, Brady is what they get.

Seems to me that all the fuss about Brady is that the Browns tend to feel that Brady is asking for too much money and Brady thinks that he was drafted to be a starter and should be paid like a starter:

“Last I checked, and I haven’t been in a math class in a long time, three plus 19 equals 22.” - Browns General Manager Phil Savage

“Right now the big issue with the contract, more or less, is the incentives. If I do in fact become the (starting) quarterback in the later years of the contract, all we’re asking for is starting quarterback money. That seems to be the dispute.” - Brady Quinn

My thoughts on the matter? After Notre Dame, Brady has a lot to prove going 0-3 in bowl games and 2-6 against Michigan and USC. That’s 2-9 in big games if you’re keeping score at home. Prove your worth it Brady, then ask for the money. That’s how it works. Need an example? How’d you think the Packers would be feeling right now if they paid Aaron Rodgers starter’s money?

Brady needs to shut up, take his 22nd pick money and if he deserves more money down the line that’s the time to hold out… not now. Let’s face it: the Browns already gave up a lot just to get the 22nd pick to get Brady; otherwise he could have gone as late as the second round. I know it sucks for Brady as he - completely delusional - felt he was worthy of the 1st overall pick. Thus I can understand he might be in denial, but it’s time to sack up and sign on the dotted line.

Please Brady: end the holdout so we can start watching you get your ass handed to you by your brother-in-law up there in Wisconsin.

→ No CommentsTags: Football · NFL · Seal Clubbin' Fun

Jose Guillen Feeling Usurped

August 3rd, 2007 · No Comments

237445.jpgWith the Mariners only 1.0 game out of the AL Wildcard and 3.5 out of the lead in the AL West, you might think that a team and players accustomed to losing might take the call up of Adam “not Pac Man” Jones as a challenge to step up their game; use the call up to reach for the extra motivation needed to keep going in a long season. Jose Guillen tends to disagree.

“I just hope they understand this is not Triple-A,” Mariners right fielder Jose Guillen said of management after the Jones move was announced. “This is the big leagues.”

“I guess they have something to do, but this is a totally different league,” Guillen said. “I understand he’s a good prospect and if they think he’s ready, then hey, we’ll see. He’s going to have to come here and prove that to us.

“Because this team has been good with what we have and I don’t think that’s what we need. … I just completely don’t understand that move right there.

“I don’t know what they’re trying to do,” Guillen summarized. “I hope they don’t do something stupid to mess with the lineup that we have. Because I believe we have a pretty good one.”

Yea, wouldn’t want to mess with a lineup that’s 21st in runs scored since the All-Star break and 26th in OPS during the same time period. For a team on the verge you would think that the addition of someone playing his way to becoming Minor League Player of the year would be a welcome addition to the clubhouse. Jose, try not to be so hard on the kid just because they already have his name penciled into your slot for the 2008 lineup… it’s not his fault.

→ No CommentsTags: Baseball · MLB · Seal Clubbin' Fun · Seattle Mariners

The Seal Marlin Hunt Is On!

August 2nd, 2007 · No Comments

lou-bakersfield1.jpgHow could I have missed this?

Well, no time to waste now: right now in Home Run Derby’s MLB Mascot brackets San Francisco Giants’ mascot Lou Seal is going head to head with Billy the Marlin. Personally, I’m torn.

On one hand, Lou Seal is featured in the header on my website and is the mascot for a team near where I grew up in the Bay Area. On the other hand, everything this website stands for tells me I need to crush the seal as seals are bloodthirsty, man-eating, ravenous beasts of the sea.

But… I must say that Billy the Marlin is potentially one of the worst mascot designs I have come across in years. Since when did mascots start wearing rubber/ foam/ whatever the hell that head’s made out of? I have to say that I do not approve of this new, Disney-esque mascot look and it must be stopped. Its one thing when mascots wear tights - mascots should never… under any circumstances, wear tights - but this is worse. Much, much worse. Justice must be served!

Vote Lou Seal in 2007

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Conspiracy Theorists: Get Ready… Get Set…

August 2nd, 2007 · 1 Comment

george_steinbrennergi03.jpgYesterday I questioned the Yankees’ trade for Wilson Betemit; such a deal did not make sense for a team who seems to be in the playoff hunt and not in the practice of rebuilding. Today, new information has come to light that opens the door wide open to total and complete speculation that is only normal to one team in the world: the New York Yankees.

Today, Fortune Magazine reports that the New York freakin’ Yankees are showing signs of a yard sale of sorts.

The highest-rated regional sports network in the country and the cable home of the Yankees and the NBA New Jersey Nets, YES is jointly owned by the Yankees, investment bank Goldman Sachs & Co. (Charts, Fortune 500) , and former Nets owner Ray Chambers. Goldman and Chambers would like to cash out, YES and Yankees insiders say, and one source says to expect a deal by summer’s end.

Rumor has it, that some of the limited partners are wondering if then the Yankees organization might go up for sale some time soon as well. The thought process is as follows: if the YES Network - the flagship and cash cow of Steinbrenner’s portfolio and currently the cash flow support needed for the insane payroll of the Yanks - is up for sale at a price higher than the Yankees organization is valued at… doesn’t that suggest the team is for sale too?

George’s youngest son Hal says “no”. To be exact he says “There’s no thought of selling the team. It’s been in the family for 35 years, and it’s going to stay that way.” Okay, so if we are to believe Hal, how about this as a possible scenario: Everyone knows Steinbrenner probably wants one more World Series ring before he hands the team over to Hal and GM Brian Cashman. George sells YES for $3 billion and uses that money to amass the greatest 25 man roster in the history of baseball history by signing/ re-signing such players as Roger Clemens (to another season), C.C. Sabathia, Alex Rodriguez, Bartolo Colon, Eric Gagne, Adam Dunn, Jason Isringhausen, Andy Pettite, Mike Piazza, Jorge Posada, Mariano Rivera, etc.

If that happens, the hatred of the Yankees would grow so thick that you could literally pour it over pancakes and eat it for breakfast. I would instantly claim we were experiencing the apocalypse of Major League Baseball, sell all my belongings and live in a cave until I felt it was safe to come out and assume that most of the players signed by the Yankees were retired or dead. Just to be safe I might have to wait for the latter.

The other, more reasonable alternative scenario would be that George sells YES, pockets the cash, hands the team over to Hal, and he and Cashman rebuild the Yankees organization through the farm system and not with the unlimited bankroll we are all so accustomed to. In this case the Yankees, probably still with the highest payroll in baseball, go through some growing pains before essentially evening out with other similarly historic teams like the Red Sox and Cubs.

At this point though who knows, and Hal’s comments could easily be a smoke screen for the impending sale, but it’s just impossible for me to imagine the Yankees without The Boss in the owner’s box. That would be like reading about the Al Davis-less Oakland Raiders organization or the World Champion Chicago Cubs: they are opposite of everything we have known to be true in professional sports.

→ 1 CommentTags: Baseball · MLB · New York Yankees · Seal Clubbin' Fun

Finishing What I Started…

August 1st, 2007 · 1 Comment

gagne.jpgWith the non-waiver trade deadline in the rear view mirror, it’s time for me to finally finish up my thoughts and analysis on the trades.

Trade
Saint Louis Cardinals acquire: Joel Pineiro (MLB - RH SP/ RP)
Boston Red Sox acquire: Player to be named later

My thoughts: No one has ever been traded more often than that pesky player to be named later. One thing was clear though: the Red Sox had no use for Pineiro in their bullpen or rotation and St. Louis needs all the help they can get.

Winner: The Cardinals get Pineiro who will work with Dave Duncan to see if he can regain some of his form. He has a club option for 2008 so this isn’t necessarily a rental and Boston is picking up part of his salary.

Note: this all changes if the player to be named happens to fall in or near the Cardinals’ top 10 prospects this quickly becomes Boston’s victory

Trade
Los Angeles Dodgers acquire: Scott Proctor (MLB - RH SP/ RP)
New York Yankees acquire: Wilson Betemit (MLB - 2B, 3B, SS)

My thoughts: Ummm. So correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t trading someone from your weak bullpen make it weaker? I don’t see the logic behind this one from the Yankees point of view if they are, in fact, still pushing for the playoffs.

Winner: TKO goes to LA and Betemit goes to his third team in two seasons. At some point this guy needs to put up or shut up.

Trade
San Diego Padres acquire: Rob Mackowiak (MLB - UTIL IF/ OF)
Chicago White Sox acquire: Jon Link (A - RH RP)

My thoughts: Mackowiak becomes the left-handed bench player to compliment Ensberg and Kouzmanoff at third and Scott Hariston in left field. Link is currently closing out games in High A and might be an option for the bullpen in 2-3 years time.

Winner: San Diego, despite the fact that they might not really need Rob… injuries happen and they probably needed another left handed bat somewhere in that lineup.

Trade
Texas Rangers acquire: Kason Gabbard (MLB - LH SP), David Murphy (AAA - OF), Engel Beltre (Rookie ball - OF)
Boston Red Sox acquire: Eric Gagne (MLB - RH RP)

My thoughts: The Rangers again add depth to their minor leagues, not to mention their current rotation. The Red Sox pick up the best reliever to the market and add it to what was already the best bullpen… which will be huge in the playoffs.

Winner: The Red Sox got the best pitcher on the market (arguably) and did not give up a single prospect in their top 10. Well done Theo.

Trade
San Diego Padres acquire: Morgan Ensberg (MLB - 3B)
Houston Astros acquire: Player to be named later

My thoughts: Ensberg has hit 100 RBIs once in his career… once; never reaching 70 in any other season. His strikeout rates are increasing and he’s not stealing bases anymore. Without the Mackowiak deal it makes some sense; but with Mackowiak and Kouzmanoff both able to play third this makes less sense than the Chewey defense.

Winner: The Houston Freakin’ Astros.

Trade
Philadelphia Phillies acquire: Julio Mateo (AAA - RH RP)
Seattle Mariners acquire: Jesus Merchan (AA - 2B, SS)

My thoughts: This all depends on how strong an emphasis you want teams to place on morals. Mateo is a wife beater with a few off-field issues and Merchan really isn’t a “top” prospect in the Philly system.

Winner: I don’t want douchebaggery in my farm system… Seattle gets the tip of the cap.

… only two more to go… this was way more than I wanted to really take on…

Trade
Pittsburgh Pirates acquire: Matt Morris (MLB - RH SP)
San Francisco Giants acquire: Rajai Davis (MLB - CF)

My thoughts: Sweet merciful crap… it finally happened! I can’t believe my freakin eyes: Brian Sabean made a good deal. Let’s face it; Davis isn’t exactly a prized prospect… but Morris has been awful, just awful and Morris is owed $12.5 million from now until the end of next season. The Giants desperately need to hit the free agent market with some serious cash and this certainly helps.

Winner: Brian Sabean makes smart deal; my head is spinning.

Trade
San Diego Padres acquire: Wil Ledezma (MLB - LH RP), Will Startup (AAA - LH SP/ RP)
Atlanta Braves acquire: Royce Ring (MLB - LH RP)

My thoughts: If you ask me, Startup might be the best player in this deal. Ring has a piss poor K/BB ratio and I don’t see him helping this year.

Winner: Really Atlanta? I mean, good job dumping Ledezma but Ring has not pitched well in the majors and is 4 years older than Startup.

→ 1 CommentTags: Baseball · MLB · Seal Clubbin' Fun

Rugby 101

July 31st, 2007 · No Comments

Creative, “wall” try

→ No CommentsTags: Rugby · Rugby 101 · Seal Clubbin' Fun · YouTube

Why Stop Now… They’re On A Roll!

July 30th, 2007 · 1 Comment

small_14_teixeira.jpgYesterday I looked at some trades to rate the winners and losers from my completely speculative point of view. Since there were a few more trades today, I figure why not keep things rolling and spin the wheel again.

Trade
Atlanta Braves acquire: Mark Teixeira (MLB - 1B), Ron Mahay (MLB - LH RP)
Texas Rangers acquire: Jarrod Saltalamacchia (MLB - C, 1B), Matt Harrison (AA - LH SP), Elvis Andrus (A - SS), Neftali Feliz (Rookie Ball - RH SP)

My take: The Braves pulled in the best player on the market. Teixeira will definitely help their lineup immediately, and if any other team (other than his hometown Orioles) has a chance at signing the switch hitter it might be the Braves considering that Mark did choose to go to college at Georgia Tech and might feel somewhat at home there in Atlanta. Mahay is an okay, but not great reliever; but he is at least at the major league level. As for Texas, I don’t think they had to trade Teixeira at all considering he won’t be a free agent until after 2008, but considering that they just pulled all of Atlanta’s top three prospects in the deal, I’d have to agree with pulling the trigger on this one. Texas wasn’t going to be going anywhere this year, Salty will be a solid backstop for years to come, and the opening might get Jason Botts a look at 1B if they don’t keep Salty there at least until they figure out what to do with Gerald Laird.

Winner: I think that the Rangers are clear winners here. In recent years I think the importance of a deep farm system has become apparent and the Rangers just pulled top prospects out of a farm system that has proven results. True the Braves are better off right now, but the Rangers in one deal just helped themselves for the next 5+ years.

Trade
Atlanta Braves acquire: Octavio Dotel (MLB - RH CL)
Kansas City Royals acquire: Kyle Davies (MLB - RH SP)

My take: The Braves looking Tampa-like get help in the bullpen twice in the same day. Dotel is a proven closer who was no longer needed with the emergence of Soria and Greinke; honestly the Royals have better uses for $5million in 2008. The Royals get Davies who has struggled the past few seasons and probably projects to be at best a number three or four starter.

Winner: Royals. I don’t like Dotel all that much and like Davies worse. If Davies gives the Royals anything worthwhile they got something for essentially nothing.

Trade
Minnesota Twins acquire: Drew Butera (AA - C) and Dustin Martin (A - OF)
Kansas City Royals acquire: Luis Castillo (MLB - 2B)

My take: The Twins didn’t get much here, but they did open the door for prospect Alexi Casillo who is, essentially, a young Louis Castillo.

Winner: The Mets are serious contenders for the title this year and Castillo has won it before. They didn’t give up much and I think they took this round.

Trade
Philadelphia Phillies acquire: Kyle Lohse (MLB - RH SP)
Cincinnati Reds acquire: Matt Maloney (AA - LH SP)

My take: Just like the Mets trade, I think the Phils got a decent player at a lower price. Maloney started the season 7th in terms of the organization’s pitching prospects and thus didn’t look like he was going to be a long-term factor in the Phils rotation. Lohse’s peripherals aren’t great: he’s a guy who can eat up some innings until they get healthy.

Winner: Lohse hasn’t really been great since 2003 so at least the Reds got the “Class A South Atlantic League Pitcher of the Year in 2006″ out of the deal… so game goes to Cinci.

As of now I think that’s it… if there’s more action tomorrow (which I think there will be) I’ll be extremely repetitive and weigh in on those as well. It looks like as soon as the major deal was made though (Teixeira), that everyone else felt okay jumping into the waters.

→ 1 CommentTags: Baseball · MLB · Seal Clubbin' Fun

Cantu… We Don’t Need No Freakin’ Cantu

July 29th, 2007 · No Comments

trade_goods.jpgSo far Major League Baseball has not yielded many major league trades. Despite that, let’s take a brief look at yesterday’s and speculate about a winner and loser for each… which is tough because in some cases they don’t look all that great for either team:

Trade
Cincinnati Reds acquire: Jorge Cantu (AAA - 1B/ 2B/ 3B), Shaun Cumberland (AA - OF)
Tampa Bay Devil Rays acquire : Calvin Medlock (AAA - RH RP), Brian Shackelford (AAA - LH RP)

My take: Tampa desperately needs bullpen help in 2008/ 2009 if they want to take a shot at the AL Wildcard while they still have their current nucleus intact. Also, it had become pretty obvious that neither Cantu or Cumberland were going to crack the Tampa lineup without the help of injuries, arrests, or alien abduction. Cumberland needs more work at AA and AAA, and Cantu is a terrible fielder. If nothing else, this trade helps as an insurance plan on Edwin Encarnacion - not exactly tearing it up - and Joey Votto who might need time to adjust to MLB pitching or a right-handed platoon mate.

Winner: I think that Cantu and Cumberland have the best upsides and Tampa really could have held out for more value this year or in the off season; Reds win this round.

Trade
Tampa Bay Devil Rays acquire: Dan Wheeler (MLB - RH RP)
Houston Astros acquire: Ty Wigginton (MLB - 1B, 2B, 3B)

My take: Good trade for the Astros who definitely had excess bullpen help and need answers for the holes that will certainly be vacated by Morgan Ensberg (craptastic play and more recently designated for assignment) and Craig Biggio (retirement). Wigginton could potentially fill in at either slot at least for a season. Wheeler is a quality reliever who’s stock is down right now and has the potential to close. The Rays closer (Al Reyes) is a free agent after this year so Tampa essentially got themselves a good candidate for their 2008 closer job.

Winner: It’s got to be Tampa. Tampa has a ton of talent coming up at all the positions Wigginton plays with the exception of 1B and desperately need good bullpen help. Wheeler comes in to be the closer to beat in ‘08.

Trade
Tampa Bay Devil Rays acquire: Grant Balfour (MLB/ AAA - RH RP)
Milwaukee Brewers acquire: Seth McClung (AAA - RH RP)

My take: Again, the Devil Rays make a move to help their bullpen… and help it now. Balfour is obviously the safer option between the two for 2007-2008, but beyond that McClung has the better promise… and Balfour’s injury history is troublesome.

Winner: Brew crew all the way. Balfour was more than expendable after the Linebrink trade and McClung helps to replenish the AAA bullpen and with some work could be in the pen in the later half of 2008.

→ No CommentsTags: Baseball · MLB · Seal Clubbin' Fun

Weekend Reading Assignment

July 28th, 2007 · No Comments

weekend%20reading.jpgFinally finished moving out… still need to finish moving in…

The 100 Most ‘Influential’ Series continues over at A Price Above Bip Roberts

Football coaches swear… a lot. This I know; Brian Billick’s radio slip is just stupid, but in reality “s**t” is a coach’s cleaned up language. Billick didn’t even bring the A-game vocab (Awful Announcing)

The new Big 10 network has some sorry ass commercials (The M Zone)

Marco interviews CNBC’s Darren Rovell at Just Call Me Juice

Other people’s pain can, at times be extremely hilarious and therapeutic (Deuce of Davenport)

The numbers behind why its not the greatest idea to argue balls and strikes in baseball (One More Dying Quail)

An historical moment in SF… and it didn’t involve Barry and his grotesquely swollen head (Rumors and Rants)

The voices inside ones own head are often times the best of sources (Signal to Noise)

The Sports Flow gets to know the rookies who will have an impact this year in the AFC and NFC

→ No CommentsTags: Seal Clubbin' Fun · Weekend Reading

A Thinly Veiled Excuse To Use The Word “Woodcock”

July 27th, 2007 · No Comments

woodcock.jpgFor those of you who read my site with some regularly might remember when I poked a bit of fun at England’s lock and one helluva rugby player Danny Grewcock; immature? Yes, of course. But if you have read this site more than once and expect anything more than the maturity level of an 8 year old you’re not really getting me at all. So in that light, and in all fairness to Danny and his last name, its only fair that I continue this - potentially even starting up a new series for the site? - and make a few jabs at New Zealand prop Tony Woodcock.

Once again, Woodcock (hehe) is a man of large stature, who could crush people with his thumb, who may have a bit to prove after what I can only assume has been a lifetime of punchlines developed around his surname:

Woodcock has a reputation for playing as much rugby as he possibly can. In 2005 he played in the first eleven of the twelve All Black test matches that year. From 2001-2004, he played in every match for North Harbour, except for the first two matches of 2004 due to being on All Black duty, and in 2002 and 2003, he played the full eighty minutes of every game for North Harbour. In 2006, he requested and received permission from the All Black coaching staff to return a week early from his enforced rest due to All Black duty, to play in North Harbour’s Ranfurly Shield challenge against Canterbury, a match that North Harbour won 21-17, making them the Ranfurly Shield holders for the first time.

Even better, Tony helped the All Blacks by scoring the only try, and ultimately the game winning points, against Australia to win the Tri Nations. But, just for fun, let’s take a look at the following scenario for this year’s World Cup:

  • England finishes 2nd in pool A
  • New Zealand wins pool C
  • England beats… probably Australia
  • New Zealand beats… probably Ireland

You know what we get if that all happens? Yep, we get the Grewcock vs. Woodcock matchup that would be the dream come true of any rugby fan with tourettes and those of us who find humor - childish, maybe - in such things.

→ No CommentsTags: International · Rugby · Seal Clubbin' Fun · Thinly Veiled Excuse