Believe it or not, no inspiration for this post came from Show and Tell with Sean Salisbury. Really, none.

But I was negotiating a trade in another league of mine and it got me thinking about all the douchey fantasy managers out there and the jack-assery they exhibit at times when trying to negotiate a trade. So here is a short list of some of the manager types I’ve come across… perhaps you have dealt with one on the list too.

The Predator

First, there’s this guy, who waits for your team to slip and then instantly becomes your best friend, and of course, wants to help. Funny thing though, “help” typically involves removing the best player from your roster.

The Kansas City Shuffle

This is one that I’ve never understood. As soon as a trade is agreed upon in principle, this fellow will kindly try and slip at least one lesser player into the deal instead of what was agreed upon. Its either that or they try and get an upgrade where they think you’ll miss it.

Albert Pujols Is A Bum

Okay, this one I love. I love it because every time someone tries it I have to wonder how they got the impression I was mentally challenged (maybe the read the site?). This manager will not only try and get one of your top players, they will actually, in the process, explain to you why the player is worthless and insinuate that they are actually doing you a huge favor by taking them off your hands. This one never gets old, especially if they press on and on… and often they do.

The Day Trader

Rare, much like the unicorn, the day trader will actually renegotiate on a day-to-day basis. Try trading for them and every day this manager will find some excuse for why their value just skyrocketed. “I hear he took an exceptionally large dookie today so he’s playing 5 pounds lighter; can’t possibly let him go now.”

The Literalist

You know, its good to take words at face value sometimes. But when I say I’m looking for a first baseman, and am willing to put up Jake Peavy for one, please use common sense to know that although Scott Hatteberg does play first base that would be a waste of my time to even hit the trade reject button its such a dumb offer. So far this has turned out to be a rare breed as well… probably much like Bigfoot. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about a low offer… that’s part of the trade process. But you might as well ask me to drop him to the waiver wire if that’s the best you can do.

The Opportunist

The opportunist is really a sub-category of “Albert Pujols Is A Bum”. This person will feast on players either slumping, or fresh off a DL stint. They will then help to explain to you how lopsided their offer is for your stud; mainly because your stud’s numbers are down but not out. Any Albert Pujols owner knows exactly what I am talking about.

The Insider

Somehow, every year I wind up going back and forth with a guy who thinks he has superhuman foresight into baseball future. Any player under the age of 35 is prime for a breakout, bench players are only an injury away from being All Stars, and minor-league fill-ins become uber prospects. Make an offer to this guy and you’ll be pulling out hair in clumps within hours.

That was just a few off the top of my head, but I know that there are so many more out there.