Okay, so basketball is not my sport. I understand it, I watch it, but unlike baseball, football, rugby, hockey and soccer I did not play it on a competitive level… so really I’m at a loss commenting on it at times. So rather then pretend I know who is who and make my picks the intelligent way, we’re going to do things differently and my predictions are going to be completely mascot based.

Eastern Conference

(1) Hooper (Detroit Pistons) vs (8) Stuff the Magic Dragon (Orlando Magic)

The horse with a mohawk is a little too “Rodman-esque” for me personally, but it certainly beats the living hell out of a green dragon with pink wings. Not to mention the fact that I’m not a huge fan of intangible team names like magic. I can’t even see the Stuff take one game from Hooper. Hooper and the Pistons in four.

(2) Moondog (Cleveland Cavaliers) vs (7) G-Wiz (Washington Wizards

Gee, do I take the dog who is a hit with the ladies, or the blue thing riding the trike? Movies have taught me that the dorky looking poindexter always has a few tricks up their sleeves, and then the girl with glasses turns out to be really hot and everyone is happy. But this is no movie, and Moondog is ready to “rock and roll”. Moondog in 5.

(3) Raptor (Toronto Raptors) vs (6) Sly (New Jersey Nets)

Raptor is either the least creative named mascot around, or quite possibly the one that makes the most sense. In a world where mascots don’t even have to make sense, although it would seem that Sly has the better education of the two having “attended Fox-Buro Academy and graduated with honors from All-Net University”. Everything about Sly makes me nauseated, and I mean, come on… just look at Raptor: he looks like he means business; Raptor in 6.

(4) Burnie (Miami Heat) vs (5) Benny (Chicago Bulls)

Finally, an upset pick. Although its only 5 over 4, a bull takes the top prize home any day when up against a flamboyant pyromaniac. Benny the Bull takes top prize in this one, and it only takes him 5 games to do so.

Western Conference

(1) Champ and Mavs Man (Dallas Mavericks) vs (8) Thunder (Golden State Warriors)

It hardly seems fair… two on one. Thunder just seems like the name of an American Gladiator, so unless they strap a helmet on him or give him a tennis ball machine he is doomed. He might be able to take down Mavs Man, but Champ is the champ of this contest… Champ and Mavs Man in 4.

(2) The Gorilla (Phoenix Suns) vs (7) Laker Girls (Los Angeles Lakers)

That Gorilla fella is nuts, and one helluva mascot. The LA Lakers do not seem to have an official mascot, and although I considered Jack Nicholson, I felt that the Laker Girls were a better choice, not to mention the favorite to take the whole shebang, let alone defeat a Gorilla. Laker Girls in 3… the Gorilla can’t even take a game 4.

(3) Coyote (San Antonio Spurs) vs (6) Rocky Mountain Lion (Denver Nuggets)

I’m only guessing, but I don’t think lions live in the Rockies. But if one did, and it came across a coyote, well, that would be one dead coyote. But let’s assume this is one pissed off rabid coyote, and I’ll take Rocky Mountain Lion in 7.

(4) Jazz Bear (Utah Jazz) vs (5) Clutch (Houston Rockets)

Chewy, is that you? Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live in Utah, with a bunch of six-foot tall Mormons? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with the NBA playoffs? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with the NBA playoffs! It does not make sense! Look at me. I’m a sports blogger trying to predict the NBA playoffs, and I’m talkin’ about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense!… Chewy in 5.