Its finally time, for the NHL playoffs. If you had no idea the NHL was not still on strike… don’t worry, you aren’t alone. But with the playoffs starting tomorrow, its not too late to start watching again.

Eastern Conference

(1) Buffalo Sabres vs (8) New York Islanders - the Eastern Conference’s best regular season team won their season series with the Isles 3-1, so they are the heavy favorite. However they lose their first two home games because no Sabres fans show up as the city of Buffalo no longer remembers what the word ‘playoff’ means. After falling behind, the Sabres rally back and take the series in 7.

(2) Kansas City Scouts Colorado Rockies New Jersey Devils vs (7) Tampa Bay Lighting - The Eastern playoff team who allowed the fewest goals against during the season versus the Eastern playoff team who allowed the most. Tampa Bay actually took the season series 3-1, but after it is revealed that Martin St. Louis is actually a hobbit, the Lighting players are trampled by Lord of the Rings fans, tragically killing three players and a coach. Wearing black armbands in tribute, the Devils eventually win in 6.

(3) Atlanta Thrashers vs (6) New York Rangers - The Thrashers took 3 of 4 against the Rangers, who honestly have not been the same team since their disappointing performance against the Mystery, Alaska team. But the Thrashers wind up partying with Mike Vick and make a quick exit in their playoff debut.

(4) Ottawa Senators vs (5) Pittsburgh Penguins - Interestingly enough, last season’s bottom dweller beat Ottowa 3 times to 1 loss this year. I see the Penguins taking the series in five, partly because the Ottawa players are unable to overcome their man-crushes on the one man boy band that is Sidney Crosby.

Western Conference

(1) Detroit Red Wings vs (8) Atlanta Calgary Flames - Interesting matchup here, and the Flames and Wings split the season series 2-2. That makes things more difficult to predict. After Dominik Hasek tears his groin in game 1, the Wings make a surprise move by summoning the spirit of Terry Sawchuck into the body of a 12 year old girl who posts three consecutive shutouts, but the Flames still win in 7.

(2) Anaheim Mighty Ducks vs (7) Minnesota Wild - The Wild actually allowed the fewest goals against in the NHL this year. The Ducks however are led by the resurgence of Teemu Selanne and his fabulous mustache. This is another series which was split down the middle during the regular season, so I see it going to game 7 where Selanne sends it into overtime on a last minute penalty shot where he uses the triple deke to score. But this ain’t some crap movie with Emilio Estevez, so the Wild win in the end.

(3) Vancouver Canucks vs (6) Minnesota North Dallas Stars - Each of the four games these two teams played ended in 2-1 wins, so it projects to be a close one. Eddie Belfour, former Stars goalie, travels to Dallas fresh off of his arrest and in a drunken haze mercilessly beats current netminder Marty Turco to a pulp. With backup Mike Smith in net, the Stars can’t keep up and lose in 5.

(4) Nashville Predators vs (5) San Jose Sharks - This one is not even close. All-Star center/ man-pimp Joe Thornton goes off on a Nashville defense. It doesn’t help that while in the Bay Area, Peter Forseberg takes in a Giants and while in the locker room becomes the target of blame for a case of steroids outside of Barry Bonds’s locker. Sharks in 5.