Best headline of the day… no week.. no month…. a screw it, it is possibly the best headline I have ever seen: Man grabs shark with hands; Blames vodka. There are two ways this story could be funny. Either, a) someone got drunk and decided to grab a predator of the sea, or b) someone got drunk and molested the mascot of the San Jose Sharks. Really, it doesn’t matter to me, I’m writing about it.

As you may have already guessed, its a), I guess Sharkie is just not that appealing… even to someone with the beer goggles. So an Australian man got piss drunk and decided to go fishing with his bare hands. Not unlike most drunken stories, someone ended up being regretful… go figure.

“I just snuck up behind him, and eventually I went for the big grab and I fluked it and got him. He was just thrashing around in the water … starting to turn around and try to bite me and I thought ‘well, it’s amazing what vodka does’. It’s not something I’d recommend to do. When I sobered up I thought about it and I said, ‘I’m a bit of an idiot for doing it’”

That’s what I call liquid courage. Honestly, I don’t think I could ever drink enough to think to myself “ooh, a shark. I’ll just reach out and grab it.” That’s a special kind of drunk… apparently one that only vodka can provide… I think this calls for a liquor store run.