With Barry Bonds’s decision to return to the Giants for the 2007 MLB season seems to have lit a fire under the asses of the federal prosecutors charged with putting Barry behind bars and preventing him from breaking Hank Aaron’s home run record. Today the court ruled that the federal prosecutors can have access to the names and urine samples (if you ask me that the names should do just fine) of those MLB players who have tested positive for steriods with the hope that if enough of the dirty cheaters name Greg Anderson as their supplier then there is no reasonable way that Barry did not know that the guy who looks like a bad extra from a James Bond movie was giving him the good stuff.

Honestly, I would like to know how any Giants fan could sit by and actually cheer for this turd monger and would love it if someone could explain how a professional athlete could possibly meet a guy like Anderson and take a bunch of crap without konwing what it is. I mean, how does something like that even happen?

Anderson: Hey Barry.

Bonds: Oh, Greg… yea, hi. Dude, you were awesome in Enemy of the State.

Anderson: Um, no. You are thinking of Barry Pepper… happens all the time. But Barry, I know we have been working on your strength, and you are doing great, really, you are… but I’d like to to start injecting the liquid from this vial into your ass three times a day.

Bonds: In my ass?

Anderson: Yes.

Bonds: Okaaaay, what the hell is this anyway.

Anderson: Ummmmm, vitamins. And I’d also like you to use this arthritis cream, nevermind the skull and crossbones sticker, it only means it will make you a badass.

Bonds: Sweet. Thanks man.

Honestly, I thinik that if Barry had just admitted that he took the juice and cried like a little girl like Jason Giambi I might actually have some respect for him. But trying to say that he was taking steroids, but its okay because he did not know is a valid excuse? If that is the case, lets discuss some other potential uses for the new “Bonds” defense strategy (in no way related to the Chewbacca defense).

“Sorry officer but,”:

• My friend told me we were smoking oregano
• I thought it was okay to drive pantsless (specifically designed for the Detroit Lions coaching staff)
• I had no idea what was in my trunk. You say there is a dead body in it?
• I was told that I was swollowing a balloon full of flour
• That guy over there told me I could club the sea lions on the pier
• The Heisman trophy doesn’t allow me to commit double homicide? Damn you OJ, you lying bastard