Not being part of the Commonwealth (we shed those ties in 1776) we Americans do not typcially celebrate Boxing Day. Canadiens however are for some reason still part of the Commonwealth. Its strange, I think, to have a nation divided amongst those who think they are English, those who think they are French, and those who wish they were Americans (come on, you know deep down inside its true). There is much else to our foreign neighbors of the north of which is unclear to me. Hockey is something that I have down pat, and for some god awful reason I also fully understand the “sport” of curling, but I have never gotten the hang of seeing the Queen on the currency and have not developed a taste for beaver tails (despite the beaver being a brave and noble creature I have also heard their tales are quite succulent).

So on a sports day split between basketball and hockey (I consider Middle Tennesse State vs Central Michigan as much of a major sporting event as the old men playing tackle football in the park) I figured it was a good chance to explore the holiday that is Boxing Day. Now, my Canadien sources have told me all about the true secrets of Boxing Day, something that you cannot read on Wikipedia or any other documented explanation of the holiday.

Boxing Day started off as a simple holiday where people unloaded their post-Christmas crap (bad presents, old junk, etc) off on unsuspecting neighbors, co-workers, and friends.. of course placed into a box beforehand to disguise the true nature of the “gift”. As one might expect, this often led to fistacuffs and eventually the boxes were no longer exchanged and citizens would don boxing gloves and get right to the fighting.

Eventually this wore tiresome, as there are very few Canadiens who know how to fight with their gloves actually on and easier opponents were sought out. Seals were the first to be thrown in the ring, but they have sharp teeth and are actually quite ill-tempered. Polar bears were out of the question, so the obvious choice was Eskimos. The present-day Boxing Day celebration involves the capture and release of hundreds of Eskimos, and of course a bountiful feast of maple syrup, bacon, french fries (with mayonaise), and of course… beaver tails.